Sometimes it's so obvious that we're related...

The following is a mostly accurate rendition of a phone conversation I had with my mother last night. Interesting the things that I choose to spend valuable phone time on. Just imagine what we talk about when I'm in the same country...

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mom!”

“Hi, Honey! It’s good to hear your voice! Just hang on, let me turn down the TV…okay, that’s better. How are you? How are you feeling?”

“I’m fine, getting better. I have a question for you…”

“Shoot”

“Um…have you ever seen white eggs before?”

“Well…yes – that’s what I buy all the time.”

“No, I mean eggs with white yolks.”

“What?”

“Yeah, I was going to make an omelet for dinner, and I cracked open the eggs, and the yolks are white.”

“Whitewhite?”

“Well, not exactly whitewhite, they’re more like the color of the egg whites themselves, except opaque. Kind of…ecru.”

“Ecru…? Your eggs are ecru?”

“They’re not my eggs, I got them from Lois.”

“Um…you got them from Lois?”

“She’s leaving for seven weeks, and wanted to clean out perishable stuff from her fridge.”

“Oh. So, she had been using them herself lately?”

“Yeah – she wouldn’t have given them to me if they’d been sitting around for a month or something. I think she gets some of her stuff from the consulate, they have a commissary there – it’s where all the Americans get their booze. I would imagine they can get other stuff there, too.”

“Well…if they’re Lois’ eggs, they’re probably okay. What kind of eggs are they?”

“What do you mean, ‘what kind of eggs are they’? They’re eggs.”

“Are they chicken eggs?”

“Oh. I think so. I mean, they look like chicken eggs.”

“Are you sure?”

“Well no, I’m not sure, but they’re the right size, the contents are just the wrong color.”

“Oh, I don’t know what to tell you, Honey. The eggs we had when we were there were always …well, normal. I don’t want you to get sicker. How do they smell?”

“They don’t smell like much of anything, which I took as a good sign. I was going to have them with a little cheese.”

“Are you sure that’s going to be good for your stomach? Why don't you have some mango instead?”

“Because I've already had three mangos today. I’m sure the eggs will be – hang on a second…”

*sounds of whacking, stomping, and mild swearing*

“Sorry – these freaking ants here are the size of Dobermans, it’s getting on my nerves. But back to what I was saying, I think that eggs will be fine with my stomach.”

“Can you do something about the ants?”

“Well, I just smashed the life out of a few of them, so that takes care of the immediate issue. But in terms of the larger problem, I would imagine that there’s something that can be done.”

“What kind of cheese are you using?”

“What - ?”

“For your omelet. What kind of cheese?”

*sounds of more stomping and whacking*

“Argh…I’m using some baby Havarti with dill. Die, die, you little suckers!!!”

“Ooh – that sounds lovely.”

“Yes, I think it will be quite tasty.”

“But I still don’t know what to tell you. Oh – do you have any Windex?”

“Excuse me?”

“For the ants. It will kill them, but it’s not as bad for you as things like Raid.”

“No, but I can probably get some.”

“Make sure you cook your omelet really thoroughly. I don't know about these eggs with the ecru yolks...”

“Right…yes, will do. One sec - ”

*whack*

"Stupid -"

*whack*

"freaking -"

*whack*

"ants!!"

*whack*

"Bloody hell child, that sounds like quite the massacre."

"They're not usually this bad."

“Thank goodness for that. Well, look, I don’t want you to get sick, you know.”

“From the eggs or from the Windex?”

“Well, from either one. Lord only knows what you could get from those things,”

“Fortunately, I don’t want me to get sick, either. I think it’ll be okay. They’re cooking up like a normal omelet, it just looks…paler.”

“That sounds revolting. I don’t know about this.”

“It’ll be fine, Ma. No worries.”

“Okay…be careful. And get some Windex, or ask Niaz to take care of it for you.”

“Yeah, that’s probably what I’ll end up doing.”

“I guess I’ll let you eat your dinner. Let me know if you need anything. We miss you and love you!”

“Love you guys, too. Tell Dad I said hi when he gets home. And don’t worry about the eggs, I’m pretty sure I’m not going to get botulism or anything.”

*silence*

“...that was a joke.”

“I know, I know…call if you need anything.”

“I will – bye Mom”

“Bye, Honey”

And all for the bargain price of 600 rupees worth of phone time…