Reasons Why I Am A Genius

I got stuck in the copier at work yesterday.

Yes, really.

There was a paper jam, and the stupid thing was all jammed up on the inside. So I followed the diagram, and turned the right knobs, pulled the right levers. And the farking piece of paper was not making its presence known. So I had to reach behind the paper drawer, and pull the paper out, inch by inch. When I went to extricate myself and stand up, I found that my elbow was stuck. I had a brief moment of animal-instinct panic (kind of like when the kid in A Christmas Story realizes that his tongue really has stuck to the pole), and I tried to jerk my arm out of the drawer.

Big mistake.

I calmed myself down and wiggled my arm to and fro a bit, and was finally able to pull it out, with a good bit of bruising and scraping to commemorate my accomplishment. I was so proud.

Later that night, Special K offered to give me a back rub, since we were both sore from our workout yesterday (and are more so today). I lay down and jerked my head to flip my hair off my neck. This was an unfortunate choice, because Special K was leaning toward me at the exact same moment, and there was an audible crack as our heads collided.

This was not the way to relax, let me tell you.