Everyone Else Is Doing It...

The whole "decade in review" thing seems to be popular with the kids, so in the interest of a little self-reflection (and because it gets quite jumbled in my head when I think about all that's happened over the last 10 years), here we go - The Oughts In Review.

2000 - Started off the year in New York, loving my crazy group of friends, time with my cousin in NYC, and knowing that if I stayed where I was, things wouldn't turn out the way they needed to. So I was deciding on which grad school to go to - University of Arizona or University of Wisconsin. I chose Wisconsin, mostly to be near family, but also because the program seemed to offer something a little different.

2001 - Continuing through grad school, trying to think about what I wanted to do with my life once I finished, feeling like staying in the Midwest was maybe not for me. Highlights were definitely seeing so much of my brother and his family (especially bonding with my nephew David), and my two best friends living in Chicago. Low point was being so far away from everyone I wanted to be with on Sept. 11th, and that sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I thought my dad might have been on one of those planes.

2002 - Finished grad school and after some deliberation about where "home" would be next, I made the unexpected choice to return to a place I'd been before - Maryland. I was nervous because I didn't have a job, *really* nervous when I started working at Crate and Barrel again, and the relieved when I got a job somewhat closer to my field. Was thrilled to welcome my nephew John into the world.

2003 - Started off the year traveling to South Africa, which was the first time I'd left the country in a long time. I had wanted to do international work, so even though this was a short trip, I loved the experience. I experimented with online dating (not for me), and watched happily as five friends got married that summer/fall. Started training to volunteer with the DC Rape Crisis Center, and got mono because I had worn myself out completely.

2004 - Continued the online dating experiment. Clearly still not for me, although I got some good stories out of it. Started a new job with the promise of international travel. That promise took a while - the only new stamp in my passport for 2004 was from a mission trip to France (which was a wonderful and challenging experience). Welcomed my nephew Mikey to the family!

2005 - Had a fairly unhealthy relationship - nothing out of the ordinary, but I cared about him and he cared about him, leaving no one to care about me. It was draining. We broke up as I left for 3 months in Pakistan, which was interrupted by 7 weeks in Vietnam. I spent the summer working in Karachi, near the house I grew up in, swimming in the first pool I ever swam in. I then traveled to Ho Chi Minh City, and spent time exploring the Mekong Delta and all the shopping and culture that Ho Chi Minh City had to offer. I came home, stopping in England for a wonderful week where I saw Ewan McGregor in Guys and Dolls in the West End! Actually made peace with the idea of being single. Left again for two months in Vietnam. Came home via a week in Paris, which was wonderful - it is still one of my favorite cities in the whole world. Came home for three days and then left for my first two weeks in Yemen. Came home for Christmas and met this new guy Keith that my friend Sarah had been telling me about. Spent time with the friends I'd been missing dearly.

2006 - Spent the first two months in Yemen, feeling as isolated, yet under a microscope, as I ever have or ever hope to. I wouldn't change the experience but it was one of the hardest things I've ever done. Came home for a friends' wedding and had to do some serious thinking about whether to continue as a road warrior or give it up. I had some opportunities that presented themselves, and decided to hang up my traveling shoes for a while. Continued to hang out with this new guy, Keith. Then realized somewhere along the way that I'd fallen in love with this friend of mine around whom I felt totally comfortable and totally myself. So we got engaged that September. I ruptured a disc in my lower back that December.

2007 - My niece Katie was born on January 16, I had back surgery on January 17, and my wedding shower on January 21st. Yowza. I recovered pretty well from surgery, after learning to let people do things for me when I needed it. We got married on March 16, 2007, which coincided with an ice storm/blizzard. Dammit. Despite the weather, many more people that I had expected made it out to celebrate with us, and it was the most fun I have ever had. Keith's mom had been suffering from liver disease and her condition deteriorated rapidly that spring. After much deliberation (and after she stabilized following many sleepless nights for us in the hospital), we went to Italy on our honeymoon, as planned, and returned home to find that they had found a donor liver and she'd had a liver transplant two days before we arrived back in DC. That fall I led the next mission trip to France and we spent some extra time in Paris at the end of the trip with some very close friends.

2008 - I started a new job and changed my name. Both were challenging for me. I traveled to Alaska and Guam, Keith and I started talking about when we'd like to think about starting a family. The answer was "not yet".

2009 - We welcomed a lot of new babies into our circle of friends, I started knitting again and have found it really very soothing. I retired from the Rape Crisis Center. We replaced his old car, Whitey, with a new Ford Escape hybrid that we call Angus. We are very grateful for Angus. We decided that we would start trying to have a baby in the spring of 2010. Keith lost his job and mine became more stressful than I can ever remember it being. We put family plans on hold pending a little more stability. Traveled to Puerto Rico to be with Keith's brother as he got married and took some much-needed (and pre-paid) time for ourselves at the end. Returned home, and after growing tired of crying on my way to and from work most days, I accepted that I am having a really hard time managing my life right now. So I started seeing a therapist. I have done a lot of soul-searching to ponder whether I'm really heading in the right direction, career-wise. I have more questions than answers at this point.

So there you have it. I'd say that at the age of 23, I probably wouldn't have guessed that I'd be where I am today. That's something of a comfort when I look ahead and have difficulty seeing through anything other than the lens of the hard time we're going through now. What would I like to be writing about in 2020? I can't always see that far ahead - but that's okay for now.

I had noticed, that, while not devoid of good things by any stretch, the odd-numbered years tended to be harder. In retrospect, while it's easy to say that they just sucked more, I think that's not true - they were harder because I had to learn a hell of a lot more. And while that can often suck in the moment, I have to say that looking back over all of it, I have usually emerged better for it. That which does not kill us and all that. Having said that, I'd still really like for 2010 to be a little easier, if that's okay.

Much like they say married couples keep having the same four fights over the course of their marriage, I find that I'm still struggling with some of the same things. Balance. Identity. Direction. Self-forgiveness. I know myself much better than I did then, I'm much stronger and more self-assured than I was then, and thank God for that. I've had a fairly successful career and have developed expertise that I never thought I would. My faith is a much bigger part of my life and it's brought me a wonderful and supportive community. My family has grown and will likely grow bigger in the coming decade. I have wonderful friends that I didn't know 10 years ago and without whom I couldn't imagine my life. I have a loving and supportive husband who can stare all of my crazy in the eye and not blink. I still have Milo and Xena curled up next to me, purring away contentedly. I still have an amazing core group of women in my life that have stuck with me for more than a decade - some of them coming up on two.

On the whole, I'd say I've done pretty well.