Humbling

So, I finally decided to get my rear end down to the Ladies’ Fitness Center, having fully recovered from feeling lousy, and having waited almost two weeks since the last time I had gone running, when my knee had been hurting. Well, apparently two weeks wasn’t long enough – my knee is killing me, after only a 15-minute run. I’m wondering if this is something that I’m just going to have to deal with (no more running), or something that I just need to give more time – but either way, it’s really disappointing. Not to mention painful, as we have three flights of stairs to climb to get to the office. Yeeowch. But I was all excited to get down there, and it took some doing, as it was locked, and there was no one at the front desk of the “gents’” fitness center – so I had to go back up to the concierge, they went to go find someone who eventually unlocked the room for me, the whole process taking about an extra 20 minutes. Yes, that’s longer than I was able to actually run. Is this one of those “I’m getting older” things??? I mean, I know I’m not old, and I know I’ve always had bad knees, but maybe I’ve missed my triathlon window? That would be a complete bummer. Traveling made really training almost impossible, but it was still a nice goal to have in that “one day” sort of way. We’ll have to see, I suppose. I’ll make an appointment with my orthopedist when I have time. (Which won’t be until…March?)

TL had someone go out and bring us back a sack o’ falafel last night, which was very nice of him. (They were delicious, too.) Apparently the place is just downstairs from our office, so that’s handy to know. I hope that I don’t end up feeling the same way about falafel that I did about samosas by the time I left Pakistan – but since I won’t be snarfing them for lunch every day, I think I’m in the clear. Such a shame about that, as I used to quite like samosas, but now my stomach turns at the sight of them. I suppose that’s what happens when you have the same thing over and over, whether or not you want to. Ick.

I am continually appalled at the types of TV programs that the US exports to other countries – for example, I was treated to a glimpse of “The Jerry Springer Show” while I was aimlessly flipping through channels last night. If this is what people thing most Americans are really like, then no wonder we’re so unpopular abroad – these two women were standing there in their underwear, hurling epithets at each other, one calling the other one a tramp (I think the actual wording was far more colorful), at which moment their mutual girlfriend came out, made out with both of them, declared which one she preferred, and took her clothes off, too. This whole exchange lasted less than two minutes, at which point my brain started to hurt, I was snapped out of the trance into which this horrendous display had put me, and I quickly changed the channel. But really – why does this stuff even exist? As I said – it’s not the most positive export that the US entertainment industry could come up with. Although I’ve also been able to catch “Scrubs” and “Arrested Development”, so it’s not all bad.

We’re coming to the time where I’ll need to have something to show for my time and work here. The only problem with that, and it’s not really a problem, is that I’ve got tons of stuff rattling around inside my head, I’ve just really not written any of it down. SO, that’s my plan for tonight. Sort of. It’s getting a little late to be starting this, and I was exhausted today from lack of good sleep (as opposed to the lack of sleep in general that is often the problem.) This means that I need to be alert and on-the-ball tomorrow, with reports or notes or something in hand.

I don’t know if all these things are simultaneously possible, to be honest. But since I leave soon, I’ve got to have something to show for my time here. This is where my poor time management skills tend to come up and bite me in the rear end. I think the biggest problem is that I lack discipline. Or, at least, I tend to lack it sporadically. Wow – I can’t even be disciplined about lacking discipline. That’s not a good sign.

I’ve been writing for a few hours, and have some things to show for all the thoughts rattling around inside my head. Something besides this blog entry, that is. You know, I have to say, the fact that this is an interesting project and it comes with a very involved and engaged team leader really does make a difference. I’m still definitely feeling burned out for the time being, and this may not be my first choice of location, but I think the project will end up being, as I had thought in the beginning, a very good professional experience, in which I can learn a lot and get some good experience. I’m feeling more positive about Yemen than I was before I arrived – the country is very beautiful, and the people that I’ve met have been very nice to me. The strange thing is that I don’t exactly feel unsafe here, but I definitely feel uneasy. I can’t tell if it’s because I just think I should, or if it’s because there are things here about which I really should be feeling uneasy. I’m also still trying to be guarded in my interactions with men (minimal eye contact, no smiling), but since that’s not really in my nature I often forget to do those things – besides, you can’t really do all that with co-workers and still do your job and not come off as an über bitch, it just seems silly. I need to remind myself that I only had a couple of unpleasant experiences in Pakistan, neither of which resulted in anything more than me feeling uncomfortable, and neither of which were representative of my experiences in that country, or that culture, as a whole. And that the information I read about Yemen, before coming here, was written by a person who probably wasn’t omniscient. So….so far, so good? Let’s all hope that I’m not doing anything tremendously offensive without knowing it.

And here’s the other thing – I don’t want to look back on this experience and be irritated with myself for not taking advantage of what it had to offer. I don’t know that I’ll have the opportunity to come back here on my own steam, so I’d prefer not to waste this chance. We’re working a lot, but when I come back, I want to also see if I can see more of the city itself.

Wow – I almost typed “synergy” in a report. I really am turning into a consultant. I pulled myself back from the edge, though, and rephrased it. I refuse to use such crap words. Besides, it always makes me think of that cartoon “Jem”. (Truly, truly outrageous.)