Definitions

I was talking to one of the girls in the office the other day, who is engaged. I congratulated her, and asked when she was getting married. She became a little flustered, smiled shyly and said “oh…I don’t…I want to…well, I want to enjoy some more freedom before I commit.” I chuckled a little and said it sounded like waiting was probably a good idea for her. Then I thought about that a little.

Normally, someone saying they want their “freedom” in that context rubs me the wrong way, for several reasons. First, it implies that relationships are a prison, and a good relationship is not a prison. Second, it is generally something someone says when (to be very blunt) they just want to keep dating and/or sleeping around. I suppose that’s fair – if you don’t think you’ve found someone to whom you want to commit, then don’t do it – it’s much better for everyone involved that way. But I’ll get to my actual point, which is this: I started to think about what *she* meant by “freedom”. In this culture, a woman’s husband can say whether or not she can show her face in public, whether or not she can work, and whether or not she’s even allowed to leave the house. So when she said wanting to enjoy her freedom, it had a far more literal meaning. And it kind of made me sad – she’s a very bright, personable, and educated young woman, and I really hope that her future husbands sees and appreciates those things in her.

I have to admit that I still don’t know enough about the culture here to know what the norm is in the average household, but I don’t think I’ve seen a single married woman here who works outside the home. The young woman who cleans our office is divorced. Her husband left her with their children – just disappeared, and started another family. While this isn’t exactly legal, it’s also not exactly uncommon, from what I understand. When things like this happen, sometimes the woman is considered to have disgraced her family and is left to her own devices, regardless of whether or not her family would be able to take her in or help her in some way. In fairness, often they can’t do much because poverty is so prevalent here. The “deadbeat dad” phenomenon is alive and well in the US, to be sure, but it just seems like a much harsher situation over here.

But again, I’m an outsider and there is still a lot that I don’t understand or know about life here, so take all of this for what it is.

Drove past another anti-Western protest in the street today. I guess things haven’t exactly died down, after all. Oy. Well, at least it didn’t appear to be violent. I’m just trying to keep my head down and not piss anyone off. No word since last week about those guys who escaped from prison in Sana’a, but if I had to guess, I’d say that if they’re still in the country, they’re probably in the eastern part. At least I hope so – I’m really not looking forward to my four hour drive through the mountains to get to Sana’a. The *good* news, though, is that day is less than two weeks away!!