Choices, Choices...

Well, I had a good chat with my boss today about how my travel schedule has been overwhelming, and how I need some time at home. It went quite well (sometimes I think I don't give him enough credit - but these things always go better when we're talking in person anyway), and he said that he would be fine with me taking a 6, 8 or 12 month assignment with the domestic division. When I had spoken with the domestic division folks, they said that they would need me to 100% definitely be available for a project from start to finish, and some of the things they have coming up will be of that duration - hence me asking about specific times.

He said that the one danger is that, if I'm not available for international projects, then eventually people will stop asking to use me on international projects. It's true enough, but I said that I was okay with taking that risk, because I can feel that I'm starting to burn out now, and I want to address that issue before it starts to affect the quality of my work, and my attitude toward my job. (Granted, I have good days and bad days, so both of those things can slip from time to time as it is...) So I have been able to avoid any major political problems of "switching divisions", I have even been able to put off a difficult decision, and allow myself the possibility of working primarily on domestic projects, while occasionally working on international if it's available.

Part of me feels like I may be walking away from something that has the potential to be more than it has been, but I could also be waiting around for the greatest project ever, and hit menopause first. I know myself well enough to know that I need more to my life than hotel rooms and the occasionally interesting assignment. So, if that means that I don't get to spend the next few years continuing to be a nomad and eventually stumbling upon the perfect project, so be it. I know what my priorities are, and I know that my current lifestyle isn't affording me the opportunity really make my priorities what I want.

It's funny, because in some ways, the choice isn't so hard, but in other ways, it really is. I know that I'm not necessarily permanently giving up anything - I'm just making the changes I've been wanting to make, and I can always decide to place more of an emphasis on international work in the future if I want to - maybe even after spending the next 6, 8, or 12 months working on some domestic projects. And I have a feeling that when I board that next plane to Yemen, I'll be fairly well convinced that I'm doing what's right for me. But it still feels weird - I thought I'd be able to deal with it for longer, I suppose - maybe I'm a little disappointed in myself? Dunno - I'm still too tired and jetlagged to get into any major philosophical issues.

So, that's where things stand at the moment - it's positive, but it still feels weird.