Scam-o-rama

There I was, happily curled up on my couch with a copy of Real Simple, windows open to let the warm, fresh air into the house, enjoying my afternoon.

Then I heard a sharp knock at the door, and grudgingly got up to see who it was. I opened the door and a man thrust an ID badge in my face, and started talking about how they’re supposed to show ID, it’s company policy. He then introduced himself, said that his daughter was taken away from him by child protective services two years ago, and while he was grateful for the opportunity he had now that was helping him to work toward getting her back, he really wanted to start his own landscaping company when he got back on his feet. And that he wasn’t there for donations – you can tell if someone is honest by offering them money, if they take it you know they’re not honest and close the door, if they don’t take it, then you know they’re honest and you can trust them. He never thought people who lived like this could care about someone like him, but that’s because he’d never bothered to come out here. (Because we live in such luxury? Maybe he didn’t see the 11-year old Hyundai parked in front of the house we rent. I mean, I love my car, but it doesn’t scream “wealth”.)

He said all of this without me having the slightest clue as to why he was standing on my front porch.

Turns out he’s part of a “job training program” with a group called Omni Horizons. The more he talked about how he needed to accumulate points, and how they “recruited” people though, the less it sounded like a job training program, and the more it sounded like a company that wants warm bodies to do door-to-door sales – and that’s the only job they train you for, nothing about building marketable skills. Now, door-to-door sales is difficult, and I don’t mean to knock it, but calling it a “job training program” doesn’t exactly give the same impression. He was selling magazine subscriptions, which made me think of that scene from Office Space. I said we didn’t need any more, he said they could renew our existing subscriptions for us. Although his manner and non-stop, hard-sell dialog was making me feel like this wasn’t all above-board, I listened to him, looked at the list of magazines they sold subscriptions for, and tried to be nice. (Special K, listening to all this inside, was about to yell “WOMAN!!! GET IN HERE AND MAKE ME MY DAMN DINNER!!!” just to get me off the porch. And make himself laugh.)

I told him that I appreciated his time, but that I’d never heard of his organization and I wanted to check it out before giving away any personal information, despite his copious claims to honesty and the excellent reputation this company has for helping those who are down on their luck. He said “do you have a computer?” and I said (foolishly) “yes”. He replied “well, it’ll take you less than five minutes to go to the website I gave you and look it up to verify what I’m saying. I’ll wait.” to which I said “well, I’d like more time than that. Can you come back later?”

His easy and eager smile vanished, and he said “Later? Like when?” and I said “Um…next week?” (what with it being a Friday and me assuming that he wouldn’t work weekends) to which he glowered “oh, I see how it is”, turned on his heel and left.

I came inside, and K and I looked this place up, first the website he had given me, which gave the same schpeal he’d told me and listed him as the #1 ranked national sales person – so I guess his story is very convincing to a lot of people. Then I Googled the company and got a very different, and creepy, picture.

Kind of makes me long for the refreshing honesty that Mrs. C encountered when one such person came to her door selling something similar. She asked him what he was working toward and he said “I’m saving up for a trip to Las Vegas so I can go drink and get laid.”

Whirlwind, part deux

I didn’t get everything done at my old job that I wanted to get done. I got the major things done, but not everything. I’m trying to be a good kid and follow up so that no one is left scratching their heads and cursing my name. They gave me a lovely send-off, complete with cake and a kick-butt happy hour complete with both hijinks and shenanigans. And shots. I’m 31 – I haven’t done shots of anything in a long, long time. So I felt WAY better the next morning than I deserved to, after having about 4 shots of questionable content, in addition to 2 beers.

That Sunday we went downtown with the Cs after church, and Mrs. C and I decided to wander around the Botanical Gardens, while the boys looked at manly things in the Air and Space Museum. Which I used to think, when I was very little, was named for Aaron Space. But I didn’t really think much about who he was or why he had his own museum. I wasn’t a smart little kid in a lot of ways, methinks.

As Mrs. C and I strolled around the gardens (beautiful and worth seeing, BTW), we were looking at their special displays (orchids) and going through different rooms, including a canopy tour of sorts in the jungle area/room. (Saying “jungle room” makes it sound like a theme room from a seedy motel. There’s one near Madison that I’ve heard of, actually – I just can’t remember the name.) As we walked through, we were passed by a row of young ladies who looked like Mary Kay sales reps, circa 1956. All dressed in pink suits, but wearing sashes across their bodies. One said “Iowa”, another said “Massachusetts”, and a third one said “Embassy of Denmark”.

Um…that last one was the head-scratcher. One of these things is not like the other…

We came to find that they were the finalists in the Miss Cherry Blossom contest, something we found out through listening to a girl who loved her sunless tanner and was chatting with some people asking her what the sash and the pink suit were all about.

After winding our way through the gardens, we headed over to the Air and Space Museum to meet up with the guys. Dr. C had been watching Special K in his element – as someone who has lived and worked around aircraft of one kind or another for his entire life, his knowledge certainly exceeds that of your average museum-goers. After we met up, he took me over to show me some things that related to his recent work, and then since I had mentioned wanting to see an IMAX movie, everyone indulged me and we ended up seeing one about the building of the international space station in 3-D!!!

It was pretty cool. Narrated by Tom Cruise, and he didn’t talk about brainwashed alien souls not even once. I’m such a science geek, though, and I totally dug it, occasionally forgetting that we were watching a 3-D movie, since I flinched a few times as debris from a shuttle launch hurtled toward the screen. Please see above about me not being that bright.

On a whim, we decided to stop by the FDR memorial, which I had never been to. The weather was kind of crappy that day, so our original plan of seeing cherry blossoms had morphed into our day indoors. Well, it wasn’t raining and the tidal basin was uncharacteristically quiet for this time of year, so we decided that it would be a good way to cap off the day. It’s a beautiful and moving memorial, with quotes of his on the walls throughout. It can be easy to forget all the things he presided over as president, but when looking at it all at once, and reading some of the grace and eloquence with which he described the national troubles, it makes you really think about what true leadership should look like.

My week off was really good – not quite as productive as I would have liked, but still really good. The house is actually presentable now, the pile of laundry on the folding table by the washer and dryer downstairs, which I refer to as “laundry purgatory” is gone, and despite something (likely deer) eating some of my flowers, the majority of the plants we’ve planted seem to be doing quite well, which makes me happy.

The week was capped off my a birthday dinner for my parents and my aunt (all April babies – April is a busy, busy month in our family), and a LAZY Sunday with the Cs. I think at one point, all four of us were asleep in our living room. We finally woke up, rallied, ordered pizza, and played some Ticket to Ride, wherein Dr. C totally kicked all our butts.

Monday morning dawned cool and clear, and I set out in my car for Herdon to attend orientation and training. Getting there wasn’t quite as hideous as I thought it would be, but I remain very grateful that I don’t have to go there every day. VERY GRATEFUL. Orientation was long and thorough, and I was seated with an alumnus of Special K’s alma mater – they’re easy to spot once you know what that class ring looks like. His was a bit older than K’s, but I could still spot it a mile away.

After training was…well, it was a little deflating. My new boss had just gotten back from vacation and was pretty busy, so…I was introduced to virtually no one, and shown virtually nothing in the way of “here’s the kitchen, here’s the bathroom, here’s the printer”. And then I was shown to my shared office, plonked down at an empty desk with my computer and told “you know how to set this all up, right?”

*sigh*

On top of that, it appears that my new boss is something of an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with that, but it’s not what I relate to most easily. So, a little disquieting at first. As is the uber-corporate America dress code. I have seen some more individuality among certain people, but there’s a lot of navy and black around here. I mean, I knew it would be more formal business attire, and that, too, is really fine. Clearly it’s their prerogative, and they place a high value on a professional appearance – I’m down with that. But I’ll also be busting out my red suit as soon as I can fit into it again, and I may look like something of a circus freak because of it. C’est la vie. So generally I was feeling pretty lousy Monday. Fortunately on my way out, I ran into someone with whom I had interviewed, who I liked a lot. We chatted briefly, which was nice.

And now, with a few days under my belt, I no longer want to go home and never come back, but I’m still getting my bearings and trying to think of ways to make my commute a little less unbearable. I knew it wouldn’t be great, but that much time in a car every day is not for me. And I do miss the city. I know K and I live in the ‘burbs too, but we live in the inner burbs – I can walk to the downtown area, including the Metro station. I love that. Here…well, if I walk anywhere farther than the mall across the street, I’m likely to get mowed down by a soccer mom driving a ginormous SUV. And even just going to the mall, my safe passage is not a guarantee. So, all things I need to work out. My boss has also made a point several times over the last couple days of asking me if I need anything, offering to answer any questions I may have, etc. He’s also introduced me to a lot more people, we’ve had some meetings, and I’m discovering how small the world of consulting really is since I’m working with people who have known former colleagues or clients of mine for years – it makes things seem more familiar, though.

So, things will work out – the place where I’m working now values their employees, has great benefits, and is giving me a nice raise. I actually know ways in which I can contribute to what I’m supposed to be doing around here, and I’m finding a lot of different projects that I can contribute to with my team and with others – I actually feel like some of the skills that I’ve worked to acquire over the last few years are going to be both useful and in demand. Honestly, I’m not quite used to that feeling, and it’s kind of nice. So really, all of these things count, both to me as an individual and to us as a family – you just don’t necessarily notice them all on the first day. So I am still lucky to have this new opportunity, and I do know that. It wasn’t love at first sight, but it’s growing on me.