Stranger Things Have Happened

But I don’t know what those things would be because I PASSED MY AICP EXAM!!!

I was getting pretty bummed out last night (obviously, if that last entry is anything to go by), but after a while, I just started to get really calm, and I thought “okay God – this is really all up to you now, because I have really done everything I can at this point.” So I decided that a good night’s sleep would do more good than cramming until some ungodly hour, and I went to bed.

I got up and was determined that I wasn’t going to roll in there with pajama pants, an old t-shirt, and 2-day old hair, so I showered, did my hair, put on my makeup, made myself a nice breakfast, and sat down to read some more stuff before I had to leave.

I have some old papers I wrote in grad school still saved in my e-mail account, and I decided to re-read them. First of all, reading my grad school speak, I thought “holy crap, I used to be smart!”. Then I also read what my professor had written about my papers and his thoughts on me as a student, and I know it sounds silly, but it really did give me some confidence – I started to actually feel like I really did have it in me, because I had worked really hard and done really well in grad school. I knew it was all in there somewhere.

So I left the house, drove over to the testing facility and found a parking spot with about 15 minutes to spare. I started my test, and even with reviewing a bunch of questions two or three times, I finished in two hours, although I was given four to complete the exam. It’s a computer-based test, to the results were immediately available, and when they popped up on the screen, I just stared for a few minutes, not believing what I saw.

The first coherent thought I had was “getthef*ckout!!!!!”

So it was a very pleasant surprise, and one thing I’ve got out of the way.

I really was shocked, and I don’t feel like I can take much credit – I think there was a little divine intervention there. (Or maybe I really am that smart! Or…maybe there was a little divine intervention.)

And now…what’s next??

Apathy

I'm not quite there, but I'm kind of in that place where everything feels fuzzy. I found out that I didn't get shortlisted for the two jobs for which I had a phone interview the other week. I'm attempting, very poorly, to cram a few months worth of studying into a day. It's not going well.

So basically, I'm staring a lot of rejection in the face right now. I was upset about it earlier, and I'm pretty sure I'll actually be upset tomorrow when I fail my exam (if I fail, if). But right now...I kind of don't give a crap. I just want to go to bed and wake up in February.

I am, however, studying because hope springs eternal, and if I don't study, I will definitely fail. So I have to try. But I don't fail things. I just don't - I've always been able to pull it out by working hard at something. But unfortunately, work has required all the working hard I have, not to mention the trip. Therefore, I may fall flat on my ass tomorrow, at which point I will then have to get up and try to do all the work I have to do before we leave. Which is too much for me to keep up with, but since everyone at work is in the same boat, there are not many people to take up the slack.

How do you spell "burnout"?

M-A-N-D-Y!

(That is, apparently, also how you spell "whiny", but I think some of you already knew that.)