Off

My work-induced sleep schedule has been really far off lately, as evidenced by the fact that it’s 5:30ish in the morning, and the reason I’m up is that I’m still up. Well, I think I fell asleep for a couple hours in there somewhere, but I think it still counts. I’m in the process of catching up on several projects on which I’ve fallen behind. It’s not a good feeling, and while time management is generally not a strong suit of mine, I’ve been particularly bad at it lately. So this is kind of what I view as my punishment for not keeping up as I should – I have to suck it up and get things done. The thing that I really hate, however, is turning things in later than I want to, later than I’ve promised, all those things. I don’t consider myself an irresponsible person in life, so this really gets under my skin. I’ve been on the receiving end of cleaning up other people’s messes before, and while I’m not doing that to anyone else now, I know that I’m putting some people in a bind by not getting them things when I promised. (I’m not talking monumentally late, more like a day or two, but that doesn’t really change things.) All the contrition in the world doesn’t actually help make their situation better, so I have to hope that my work is good enough so that when I do get it to them, they can at least be confident that they won’t have to fix it.

So let’s hope, eh?

But my sleep schedule is all kinds of messed up at present, which shouldn’t be surprising. Special K is starting a new assignment at work that’s likely to mean a lot of early mornings, and result in us both shifting our schedules back a good bit – having me in at work by 7:30 in the mornings and leaving by 5:30 or thereabouts. I’m actually kind of looking forward to the prospect of it, because something that I’ve noticed lately is that I’m a lot less distracted at work, because I’m less inclined to stay late/work weekends, since I actually, ya know, like hanging out with my husband and still doing all the things I liked to do before I got married and stuff. So if I have more time in front of my actual desk, in my actual office, that means that I have more time to get this stuff done when I wouldn’t be doing anything else anyway, and I can stop pulling these stupid all-nighters. Actually, I just hope that once I’m a little more caught up (which involves getting two documents for which I’m entirely responsible, and one for which I’m partially responsible, out the door by Friday), I can actually maintain my workload a little better.

Because it’s not like I’m not tired, kids.

I went to go see my orthopedist because I had gone running the other week when my back was hurting, and that wasn’t the smartest thing I’ve ever done. I’ve basically been in varying degrees of pain since then. And for those of you who might think that I tried to do too much, too soon (bless your little hearts), I didn’t, and I had full permission to start running again. So he told me that I can’t really run anymore. (With exceptions for any time that someone might be chasing me, I suppose.) His exact words were “well, you’re young, so your body could probably take it for a few years, but…” Any time your doctor finishes a sentence with an ellipsis, it doesn’t exactly mean “full steam ahead”.

There are a few other things I can’t do ever, most of which don’t bother me too much, but I’ve been surprised at just how hard I took this particular piece of news. Not that I’m a champion marathon runner, or a champion anything, for that matter. But running was satisfying. I felt like I was really working and challenging myself in a way that few other activities allow me to. I’ve had a few moments of wallowing, thinking of how many people are perfectly physiologically capable of running for fitness, for a challenge, for the sense of accomplishment, and who just don’t. And how I really want to and I can’t. Doesn’t seem fair, blah, blah, blah. But I suppose I’ve got to learn to love the elliptical trainer (which I really don’t at present) and suck it up. Because I can still walk, I no longer have intense, stabbing pain down the back of my right leg whenever I move, and I have full muscle strength back in both legs again. It’s been worse.

So perhaps I can stop being such a freaking baby.

In the glass-is-half-full category, swimming is good and I can do it as much as I want. I just need to figure out how to get out to my pool in Rockville on a regular basis now that I live in Silver Spring, but I s’pose we’ll work on that one. All things considered, that’s a small detail.