At Least It's Progress

The word is in from the spine specialist, and the word is “surgery”. I have mixed feelings about it, because who really wants to go in for surgery nine weeks before their wedding? Um…not me. There are a few things to consider here, though. The problem is, essentially, that one of my discs has ruptured (and thanks to the folks at Nucleus Communications, Inc. for the picture), and the contents of that disc has leaked out and is pressing on a nerve root, which is causing pain and numbness and weakness in my right leg. The pain is getting worse since my last epidural, which didn’t help all that much, and physical therapy won’t do anything to solve the actual problem – nothing can make the stuff that’s leaked out of the disc go back in. Occasionally, the stuff can get reabsorbed by your body (according to WebMD), however I've been dealing with this pain and injury since Thanksgiving - basically with the resting and the meds, if that were going to happen, it should have happened by now. Looking at my MRI with this guy, who helped me decipher it, it was really easy to see the problem and see why it’s a problem. So the best solution is to get rid of that stuff and allow the disc to heal so that stuff won’t leak out again (hopefully). I asked about physical therapy, and while he was certainly open to it if I wanted to, physical therapy will treat the symptoms, but not the cause of the symptoms. And I would be in much worse shape if I had to go through four or five weeks of physical therapy and need surgery anyway.

One month before my wedding.

The reality of my position now is that I can’t drive without a lot of discomfort, my right leg is distinctly weaker, my reflexes on my right leg are virtually nonexistent, walking is difficult because of the weakness in my leg, going to work is out of the question because I can’t sit for that much time, and basically I’m very dependent on Special K (others, too – but him in particular) right now, which is stressful for me, and although he’s been wonderful, can’t be much fun for him either. Also, if I leave this for a long time, there’s a possibility that I won’t get all of my strength back, which is not acceptable to me. So if physical therapy isn’t going to fix this, I have to do something that will.

However, my doctor did say that women who have experienced this said that it’s far worse pain than childbirth. So, my glass is half full – I’m now mentally prepared for childbirth, what with having experienced plenty of makes-you-want-to-scream-like-someone’s-trying-to-kill-you-slowly pain, AND had two epidurals.

The good news is that, since the cause and effect are so clear, and the surgery is fairly simple (it’s still a procedure, but it’s an arthroscopic procedure that can be done on an outpatient basis), the odds of it being successful are really high. And it needs to be better than the way things are now, it’s just so disappointing. I have a shower and bachelorette party coming up in two weeks that my friends have very generously organized for me, and if I can get the surgery scheduled soon, I should be fine for all of it, even if I have to take it easy. I just feel bad because I know they’ve been planning this for a while and a lot of effort went into it, and I want it to go ahead as planned! As much as I can be uncomfortable with being the center of attention, I’m actually really looking forward to all of it. How many times in your life do you have as many of your friends and family as possible in the same place? Not enough times. So with the celebrations we have coming up and the people I can’t wait to celebrate with coming into town, there is no freaking way I’m missing a second of it, even if that means I have to divide the rest of my time between physical therapy and work.

So there it is. I have to be better, and I have to be better soon. So, I guess I will be. (You hear that, disc? No more crap from you.)

I may need to reschedule my next dress fitting, though.