So, about two weeks ago, Projector Man, from Vietnam II, sent me a letter and asked if I could proofread it. It’s a letter to the host family in the US who will be hosting his son, who is going on an exchange program. I said no problem, it only took a few minutes. Then he sent me some revisions. Okaayy….Now he’s sent me a letter that his daughter had to write to her supervisor at work (she works for a US company and had to write a letter of reference or something). Um…Dude. Understand that I was doing you a FAVOR, but that I’m also REALLY BUSY and I don’t have time to make your entire family sound as though they’re native English speakers.

And, of course, I feel bad thinking this.

Sheesh.

My cunning plan, part deux, is to stay back at the hotel tomorrow to get more written. This is because I got more done in three hours yesterday than I got done all last week. And am likely to do if I stick around here. And I MUST write. There is far too much to do for me to sit around here – much as I like the e-mail access. (Not that it’s not part of the concentration problem as well.) But I think it will make for a more productive day. TL also wants me to give Widget some work to do, but I don’t know what I’ll need to have her do until I have my next few chapters written – or at least more complete than they are now. Since I’m not quite sure what I want to say, I can’t really ask her to research it, now can I?

Makes sense to me.

Besides, me finishing my work right quick will help me to make the “you can just stuff your contract extension, I’m done” case. (Clearly, all said in a respectful and deferential tone of voice. If it’s possible to tell someone to stuff it while sounding respectful and deferential, that is.) In any case, it appears that I’m on the right track, even if I’m not working at lightning speed. But I have my little workplan for the next day or two. That’s always good. (This is the Type A part of me that also loves checking things off lists.)

I allowed myself the lovely treat of a pint of ice cream from the supermarket on Thursday. Mmm…ice cream - haven't had it in ages. Maybe I’ll make that a weekly treat. (Which will then mean that my “treat” for when I get home will have to be new pants because I will have totally pudged out. So maybe not.)

What Was That About?

For some reason, I had an ABBA song stuck in my head yesterday. Not even one of their well-known ones, it was on the obscure side. My knowledge of obscure ABBA songs is the result of going through an ABBA phase in my early college years. Which was actually the result of my parents’ ABBA phase in the late 70s – when most people had one. I had to dare to be different and wait until the mid-1990s. I can’t actually even remember the name of the song, to be honest.

So, we drove all around the city yesterday (as I had ABBA playing in my head on repeat), with a map so that we could see if the places where we’re suggesting growth will actually be suitable for new development. Well…some were, some weren’t, we tried to take pictures of places, but I also saw some spectacularly bad examples of placement. Like this. Call me crazy (you’re crazy!), but I, personally, wouldn’t build my home directly in the path of a precariously placed boulder. To quote, and modify, Mike Myers: I have a theory that most Yemeni architecture is based on a dare. I had to walk on a rickety wooden plank to cross a wadi, or an open channel that they use to try to route floodwaters through the city. Most of the year, they’re dry channels that people tend to throw trash in, but as someone who doesn’t really care for heights, I wasn’t a fan of walking on said rickety plank, 15 feet above the concrete channel.

We drove way out to the western side of town, and it’s interesting to see how the women look different as you head out. The areas we were driving through were primarily agricultural and very, very poor. But the women were dressed in brilliantly-colored clothes; they were still covered up, but you could see their faces. It was a marked contrast from the black-clad phantoms you see floating through the streets in town – perhaps that’s a sign of status? I’m not sure, although I do know, as I may have said, that the degree to which a woman covers up, and what she wears, is primarily determined by her family – mother, father, brothers, husband. I’m sure that there’s some connection.

In these areas, which look quite green and lush, the poverty is unimaginable. It’s entirely likely that the value of the clothes on my body, and I don’t have an extravagant wardrobe, exceeded the annual income of most people in those areas. To think about it that way – that what I spent on my jacket, shoes, t-shirt, pants, bra, and underwear could double someone’s annual income, is really humbling. I know that I live in a very different country, where I earn a lot more and things cost a lot more, but I’ve also been given so many advantages in the world, not the least of which is my education and my secure upbringing – and then there are the advantages I’m sure I’ve been given, regardless of wanting or deserving them, based on my skin color. It would be hard, and selfish, not to feel lucky.

Yesterday was supposed to be a half-day, but we were at the office until 4 pm, and managed to get back to the hotel at 5. I did some laundry and sewed up a sweater of mine that had developed a hole. As I sat there, doing an appalling job of sewing up the hole, I was reminded of the girl that I met in Pakistan who told me, in a very concerned voice, that I was “not a very good domestic woman”. Well, sewing – not my strong suit. Apparently slicing mango, the particular task which prompted her to voice her concerns, isn’t either, but I think that doing my own laundry by hand in a bathtub every week for a few months has to earn me a few points. (Assuming that I want them…? Haven’t decided yet.)

I Have A Cunning Plan

This will not be my weekend off. I have outlines to write and then flesh out in rapid succession, and it’s not likely that I’ll get to them today. But I do need some time to do nothing that is remotely work-related. So the best I can do is this: when we get back to the office after our half-day tomorrow, I will intentionally abandon anything and everything work related. I will read my book, maybe watch a little “Alias” in the evening (one channel here is running it from the beginning and is in season one – Thursday and Friday nights at 8 pm), go to the gym, and/or take a nap. And I will be forbidden to look at my computer unless I’m doing non-work-related writing or watching a movie.

Then Friday will be all about work. Lots and lots of work. But I need some time off, because I am seriously dragging. This way, however, it’s structured. So Friday = work, instead of “after this movie is done…” or anything like that. That’s a recipe for wasting time. I should know – I am an EXPERT at wasting time. But getting back to the whole “time off” thing…I’m not actually planning anything fancy for my week off in April, the one I am taking when I am, once and for all, done with traveling here. In fact, I will actively plan to do nothing. I think that will be good. And I think it will be just enough of doing nothing so that I won’t get too bored. It’s all about balance, after all. But I’m sure I’ll plan on lots of “let’s meet up for lunch/coffee/dinner/all-purpose hanging out” with people. Because “not doing anything” really means “not doing anything I don’t want to do”.

I’m not thinking too much about the fact that it’s three months away, I’m just thinking about the fact that it’s coming. (And by the way – 30 days until I’m home from this trip…!)

J is now sharing my office, has already asked if he can have a different desk brought in, and is currently arranging his highlighters and paperclips. Fair enough – I suppose it’s all part of getting settled. But he also didn’t bring an adaptor with him, so there’s been a bit of scuffling and shuffling to find one for him. Um…how do you not remember to bring one when you’re traveling? Well, whatever, something has been found and he’s up and running. Sort of. I realize that the fact that he kind of rubs me the wrong way causes me to tend to view him in a less-than-positive light, which is unfair. I will try to be less bitchy and more open-minded.

No promises, though.

Meah...

S leaves today, which I’m pretty bummed out about. We had our last movie night last night – we’ve both been working too much to spare the time over the last few days. However, we decided to make an exception last night and make the time. (I finished up something for work quickly after she left.) We’ve got an economist, J, from my office here now, and he’s been interesting. I think that TL is ready to “shoot on him”, as it were, because…well, they’re different personalities to begin with, but he also feels like J isn’t really pulling his weight. I can’t entirely disagree, but since I haven’t had my most efficient days lately, I can’t really point fingers.

J is someone who is a bit of a mystery to me. I just don’t know how someone like him has been active in this field for as long as he has, because like another colleague from my past, he can be very fussy about things. When TL mentioned over lunch the other day that we keep some fruit and veggies and stuff in our rooms to snack on for dinner, J said “I refuse to cook. I’ll take my meals down in the restaurant.” I looked at TL and raised one eyebrow, then went back to demolishing my plate of kabobs and hummus. J will also not try anything other than the one dish he has decided to eat at the restaurant where we have lunch – he’s said that he doesn’t trust it, despite the fact that we go to that restaurant specifically because you can eat anything there, and the food is both tasty and safe. (I had meat [probably mutton? I didn't ask.] with mixed vegetables yesterday, which was quite good – they make specials every day, which helps to keep things interesting.) Whatever – he’s really only making it harder on himself.

He’s asked to work from the hotel for a few afternoons since he’s been here, and later TL will turn to me and say “like we do not know he is taking zee siesta! I will have to shoot on him tomorrow…” I’m sure he’s still adjusting to the jetlag – fair enough, it took me a while this time as well. But I would put in a full day’s work, for goodness’ sake! Ah well – like I said, he’s really only making it harder on himself. He’s told TL that he won’t have enough time to write his chapter before he leaves at the end of his 3-week stay. Meanwhile, I cranked out my chapter in one week, S did two in two weeks, and TL wrote an entire report in two weeks for one of the earlier phases of the project. So I don’t think that’s going to fly. He will have to be shooted on.

There’s much bellowing in Arabic coming from next door – TL and Mab are having a meeting, The thing is, since I can’t understand what they’re saying, I can’t tell if it’s a good or a bad meeting. Tone of voice does little to help you distinguish between the two. They could be in there, congratulating each other on the fabulousness of the project, for all I know.

Although I doubt they’re using the word “fabulous”. Well…this morning, TL said that, if it weren’t for all the time pressure and stress, this project would have been “delicious” to work on. So maybe “fabulous” has worked its way into the conversation.

Interesting side note…in Vietnamese, if you’re telling someone that they look good for their age, it literally translates to “you look delicious”. It’s used specifically when you’re talking about someone who is older and looks…well preserved, for lack of a better way to put it. I found that hilarious, but I have, thus far, refrained from telling anyone I know that they look delicious. Even the bartender that Stef and I met.

That would have been pretty dang funny, though.

Funny to Watch

I got another phone call today from a mystery caller, and gave the phone immediately to TL, who picked up and was greeted with silence. He then said “Write down the number for me.” He had L, our driver, call the cell phone company and have their service disconnected because they were harassing me. I didn’t know you could do that, and I think that you *can’t* in most countries, but it definitely brightened my morning – I found it hilarious. It’s also handy to keep in mind in case I get too many more calls. That TL – he’s got some quirks, but he’s never boring. (Okay, that’s not entirely true either – but he is a good guy.) This is why he’s a good buffer for me here. Not only would he never tolerate anyone treating me inappropriately for a second, no one would dare to do it as long as he’s around anyway.

TL and I talked briefly today and I told him, point blank, that I’m not staying here one single day past what I’ve already agreed to, and he said he wasn’t changing his travel plans, either. So let’s hope that’s the way it stays, yes? But no one can accuse me of not telling them my thoughts on the matter. I think that’s the benefit to me of being a little on the wiped out side – I am incapable of BS, either generating it or dealing with it. I just can't walk on eggshells these days, because I have no energy for it, so I don’t. I am, however, feeling better - not that I'm thinking I want to move here and set up house or anything, but when I'm upset about something, I need my time to just *be* upset and irrational and all those things. Then I can move on. It may not mean that I'm Susie Sunshine, but at least I'm not Nora Nervous Breakdown. (Sounds like a Cabbage Patch Kid, doesn't it?)

I’ve got lots of number crunching to do these days, which is good in that it can be relatively brainless, but it’s bad in that I need to be paying attention enough to know when I’ve crunched numbers incorrectly. This is where the tired part comes into play.

This is also where the “I should get to bed because it’s 11:30 and I need some sleep” part comes into play.

But Arrested Development is on now…so maybe I can stay up a little later.

Reflecting

I realize that anyone who doesn’t know me, and even a few people who do know me, would be inclined to think that I’m some kind of manic-depressive freak from reading recent posts. I also realize that the ones where I’m posting cool pictures and/or at least cracking jokes, assuming anyone besides me thinks I’m funny, are a lot more interesting to read. Now, it’s true that I can be moody, but I think my recent imitation of a rollercoaster has even my college years beat for rapid succession of highs and lows. I would love to be one of those “throw myself into my job and forget about life” people, but I’m not – first of all, if I’m working all the time, as we’ve seen this past week or two, I get run down, my productivity starts to wane, the quality of my work starts to suck, and generally it’s not sustainable. Plus, if I were one of those people, I wouldn’t mind not having slept in my own bed for more than two consecutive weeks since September.

I’m a big believer that everything happens for a reason. I call it “God has a plan”, others call it fate, kismet, destiny, whatever. Toh-may-toe, toh-mah-toe. So, since this past year, and particularly these past few months, has been filled with a lot of ups and downs and tons of time inside my head, I really wonder what this is all supposed to be heading toward. One thing that comes to mind – I need to be better at standing by my limits, even if the consequences might be scary. (Like telling my boss that I will not stay here longer than I’ve already agreed to, regardless of a contract extension. That is a SCARY conversation to have, but I think it might be due.) Another thing – realizing that I’m finally rooted somewhere. We moved around a good bit during my childhood. Not Army Brat kind of moving around, but every few years until I was 9. After that, I kept switching schools and moving around myself as an adult, joking (mostly) that I have a pathological need for change. So, it never really occurred to me that I’d be in a place where I wanted to stay for…well, if not forever, for a very long time, because I typically start getting restless after a year or two.

But being away has made me realize that DC is definitely home, which may not seem like a very significant revelation, but it’s a big deal for me, and a really nice feeling. I’d say lastly, something I’ve gained by all this – finding out who my friends really are. For reasons unknown to me, when I started traveling, there are some people who just fell away. I try really hard, really hard, to keep in touch with the people in my life, and I'm very lucky that most of them make it easy. So, maybe the lesson is that I need to let go of the people that don’t want to hold onto me? I’m not talking about someone who might not have the time to write every week or two or something – everyone is busy and has their own lives and their own stuff going on. I’m talking about the people I don’t hear from at all. I’ve been really blessed to have a lot of great friends in my life, so the number isn’t too big. But in the past, it’s taken people stealing things from my home to make me think “hey…maybe my friendship with so-and-so isn’t a healthy one.” Maybe I need to reevaluate my criteria. (Seriously – old friend from college. Turns out our “friendship” was based on me making her feel better about herself. Once I outgrew what felt like a very long awkward stage, I didn’t serve that purpose as well. Then she stole some stuff from me. Needless to say, we don’t keep in touch. I can’t afford it.)

I mean, come on. Sheep learn faster than me.

So, that’s my philosophical take on all this. And maybe I’ll decide that I can stand the idea of a few more weeks here in the end – all the while completely ruling out even the teeniest, tiniest possibility that I’ll spend my birthday here. Who knows. I do surprise myself from time to time, and I know myself well enough to know that my first reaction is seldom the one I end up with. I need time to think something through before I can really deal with it and say what I want to say – which is why I don’t like to talk about things that are upsetting to me while I’m still upset, I’m still too vulnerable and emotional at that point. (Better to know this about myself than to run around like a bull in a china shop, right? My way, I’m more like a bull on a leash in a china shop… actually, I don’t like where this analogy is going.)

I went running tonight – I’m still down from what used to be a “maintenance” run for me, but it’s getting better. Besides, I keep forgetting that I’m actually at quite a high altitude (I think we’re at about 1400 meters above sea level here), and that makes a difference. In any case, I was right (mostly) – exhausting myself physically while damaging my hearing with the help of the Foo Fighters helped to calm my head down a bit. I’ve got my entire Eddie Izzard arsenal with me – I think it’s time to watch some of it and get a good laugh. But not tonight – it’s almost midnight. And I’m still working. After all, the faster I get it done, the faster I can be done.

Goodness Gracious...

You know what the two worst words I’ve heard recently are? “Contract extension”. That’s right – they may want us to stay here longer to finish this project. Considering the fact that I hate virtually everything about my existence here (the term “life” seems too generous a word), this is not good news for me. I have really been trying to be positive about the good things about being here, but this was too much for me. I’ve been basically sitting here, trying not to cry all afternoon – and for those of you who don’t know me, I am *lousy* at hiding my emotions, so it’s very clear to one and all that I’m upset about something. Which only frustrates me more, because I don’t really *want* people knowing that I’ve been trying not to cry all afternoon.

It’s true enough that the schedule we have is virtually impossible. Part of why I took the news (and it’s not even “news”, it’s just a possibility [probability?] at the moment) so badly is because I’ve been working 11+ hour days since I got here, without a day off, and I’m hitting a wall.. We’re under a ton of pressure, and I am spending my days being incessantly called into TL’s office, spending 90 minutes helping him compose a letter, or sitting through a 3-hour meeting conducted entirely in Arabic, when I really need to be sitting in front of my computer, writing. Which I’m too tired to do well at this point. So, from that perspective, it would be good to have more time to finish the project. But I have been away from home far too long, and I *refuse* to even contemplate spending my 30^th birthday alone in Yemen.

Maybe this won’t seem so bad in the morning? Here’s hoping. Let’s see how far I can run on the treadmill tonight. If I’m completely exhausted, then maybe I won’t have the energy to think about it.