Count to Ten

I’ve written and re-written this post a few times, and I keep deleting it, not feeling comfortable with what I’ve written. Usually because it's veered a little too much into Hilda von Bitchy territory - or maybe it's Wendy Whiner. Whatever - can't guarantee that either of these ladies has left the building.

Basically, it’s been one of those weeks. I’m feeling kind of crapped on at present, and whether that’s rational or not doesn’t change how I feel, I’ve still managed to stuff all those balloons for my pity party into the car and take them everywhere with me the last couple days. It’s surprising that I’m feeling this lousy, because I was actually feeling pretty good up until a couple days ago. But I’m tired and completely swamped at work, mission trip stuff is requiring a lot of energy and is frustrating at times, and somehow, sometime, I need to find time to study for my professional certification exam because I’ve put it off before and I really can’t do that again. And I don’t know how that’s going to happen, so that’s stressing me out.

Some very lovely and patient people have been listening to me vent and have offered some good advice and feedback, but I know that more than anything else I need to get my work finished, get some sleep, get some groceries in the house, get some more sleep, get back to the gym, and learn not to take things personally (I don’t expect too much success with the last part, I’ve never been good at it.). I feel the need for some hibernation coming on, I just won’t have time for a few weeks.

*sigh*

BUT, I’m reminding myself of why I agreed to lead the mission trip when I was asked to do it months ago. I’m reminding myself of how it’s going to feel when all these numerous work projects go in. I’m reminding myself of that calm, happy feeling I had last week, confident that my career was going to be heading somewhere different and good in the next few months. And then Milo or Xena will come up to me, purring, nuzzle into my side, try to lick my face once or twice with their little sandpaper tongues, and I can feel my blood pressure go down for a little while.

(K is good for snuggling too, but it’s just awkward when he tries to lick my face.)

I Just Don't Feel Special Anymore

My husband is so not creative...

The Breakup

Some breakups come suddenly – a huge disagreement that makes you wonder why you were ever with a person in the first place, and then you have no choice but to end things. It can’t be any other way. Others come slowly over time – there’s not really an actual problem, but you know that, as much as you remember why you were with someone in the first place, you’re not always sure why you’re still with them. The magic is gone, it’s not what it once was. Sometimes it’s brought on by circumstance, sometimes it’s brought on by people just drifting apart. It’s sad either way, and it makes you feel a bit as though you’ve lost your bearings for a while, because you’re out there again, searching for the right one.

Well, after 14 years with my hairstylist and friend Roxanne, I had to move on. Things had changed, (namely our respective locations) and I just couldn’t roll with it anymore. So now I’m seeing someone new at some place new, and I have to say, I’m really happy. I made a big change, and I am delighted with it – the place is great, and Renah, who is fabulous, spent a lot of time with me, making sure it was just right and that I was happy.

Plus, Sonoma is right next door, so it makes the perfect spot for an after-haircut dinner.

I’m pretty darn certain that this is something that applies only to women, and not all women, just those of us who have established a relationship with someone in particular. But once you’ve done that, once you’ve established that relationship it feels almost like cheating to go see someone else. Yes, this seems like insanity, and in a way it is. But so is the fact that women grow entire people inside their bodies, and no one contests that one.

No word on the job front, and that’s actually fine. I don’t expect anything to come from that right away, but I’m just doing my best to stay open to any opportunities that may come up, and doing my best to keep doing my best at my current job. It’s kind of exciting, the thought of an upcoming transition, but at the same time, I feel really peaceful and calm about it all – as if this is just the next phase of my life that I’m being prepared for.

Special K wonders why it is that women tend to get new hairstyles when entering new phases of life. Not sure if that’s true across the board, but since I have a 10-inch ponytail sitting in an envelope for me to mail to Locks of Love or Wigs for Kids or one of those places, I can’t really say much to the contrary at present.